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Today’s B-Movie pick is a little gem from 2004, called “Dead & Breakfast“. The setting and premise, yet again, are nothing original. A group of six friends are on a road trip to their friend’s wedding, and on the way, they stop at an old Bed & Breakfast out in the middle of nowhere. What follows is a series of unfortunate events that causes the death of the Inn’s chef, the death of the owner, and the discovery of an ancient artifact that causes a zombie plague. Standard fare for a horror movie, but there are plenty of entertaining moments to make this a fun movie to watch on a weekend night.

The deaths raise the suspicion of the local sheriff, who tells the group that they have to stay in the hick town until the whole thing blows over. Of course, people in horror movies can never stay in one place, so some of them go to a drunken barn dance, and inadvertently cause all Hell to break loose. After this, again, typical horror movie stupidity ensues, and they run back to the Bed & Breakfast, bringing the zombies with them.

The barn dance scene, and the people “defending the fort” from all the zombies are what really make this movie fun. Homemade zip guns, redneck zombies, choreographed song and dance, and stupid arguments in the middle of a zombie invasion all make for a fun time here.

I promise, the fact that the clip I’m showing contains an homage to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is purely coincidental. I had actually already picked this movie out before he died. Anyway, this is one of my favorite parts of the movie, up there with the severed head hand-puppet scene, which is one of my favorite gags, despite being used in so many horror movies.

It might not be the greatest comedy/horror movie ever, but like I always say, I’m not going for the cream of the crop here. I like to watch stupid movies that can keep me entertained while I enjoy a few cold ones on the weekend. This is a great movie for that, so mission accomplished. Fire up your 360, PC, Blu-ray player w/Netflix, TiVo, etc., and throw it in your queue.

Watch “Dead & Breakfast” Now!

You know, I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothin’, but I think Orgazmo is a pretty sweet movie. This movie was actually made years before Matt Stone and Trey Parker became household names with their other works like South Park, but they had trouble actually getting the movie released until after South Park gained popularity, thanks to unfortunate events, such as the MPAA slapping the movie with an NC-17 rating.

Personally, I think there’s no reason for this movie to be rated anything heavier than R, and if it weren’t for things like the sex toy weapons and a few too many F-bombs, it might even pass for PG-13. Despite being a movie about pornography, there’s surprisingly little nudity. It’s mostly played for laughs, such as every time a woman removes her top, and we think we’re going to see boobs, a man steps in front of the camera, so all we see is his ass.

The movie stars Trey Parker as Joe Young, a Mormon from Utah, performing missionary work in California. When he inadvertently gets on the bad side of porn king Maxxx Orbison, and beats the crap out of all of his security guards, Orbison offers him $20,000 to play the hero his latest kung fu action porno movie, Orgazmo. Thinking it would be a good way to pay for the wedding to his (also Mormon) fiancée Lisa, Joe reluctantly accepts the offer, and hilarity ensues.

I don’t want to ruin this movie for you if you haven’t seen it already, so I’m trying not to say much, but definitely check it out. It’s extremely funny, and if you like Matt and Trey’s style of humor, this should be right up your alley. As is usually the case with the trailers I post for my Weekend B-Movie Picks, this trailer is probably Not Safe For Work. I’d check and verify it, but I happen to be at work as I’m writing this, so that wouldn’t be a good idea if I want to keep my job. Check out the trailer, and if you think you’ll enjoy it, fire it up on Netflix on your PC, or other device that supports streaming Netflix movies.

Watch Orgazmo now!

Alrighty folks, gotta make this one quick, because duty calls. However, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna skimp out on you. Tonight, since I’m a bit late with this one, and didn’t have the time to do one last week, we’re gonna have a double feature of sorts, as long as a feature-length documentary about the making of a movie counts as a feature. Let’s do this.

Remember back in the 1990s and early 2000s, where there were a lot of “movie within a movie” type horror flicks being released? They usually ended up the same way, killer on the set of a horror movie, what’s real, and what’s staged? Blah blah blah blah blah. Well, tonight’s movie is similar to that, but with a twist that only Troma can provide. This weekend’s B-Movie pick is a little gem from the Troma Team called Terror Firmer.

The movie is part typical slasher film, part filmmaking lesson, and part screwball comedy, with a bit of gratuitous nudity here and there. After all, it IS a Troma flick, and a damn good one at that. On the set of his latest movie, The Toxic Avenger Part IV (Which was a previous B-Movie Pick), blind director Larry Benjamin, played by the one and only Lloyd Kaufman is having every problem under the sun getting the movie finished. Everything from prima-donna actresses, asshole prop guys, and serial killers are preventing him from making his art. Since I’m under time constraints here, let’s do the Joe Bob Briggs-style running totals of a few things we’ll see in this movie.

• A man beaten to death with his own leg
• A pregnant woman having her fetus ripped from her womb, and playing tug-of-war with it
• CEREAL KILLER!
• Hermaphrodites
• Toxie cameos!
• THIS is your brain on drugs!
• … And THIS is your ass getting a funnel hammered into it with a skillet
• … And finally, THIS is a ton of cocaine being poured up your ass!
• Do ventriloquists really bring their puppets to bed with them?
• … Is that a naked man running through Times Square with bandages around his head?
• THE TODDSTER!
• Fat Man Vs. Escalator!
• EXPLODING BOOBIES!
• Whoa, wait… that’s not very sanitary. Wouldn’t it burn to do that with a pickle?
• Mad Cowboy cameo!
• OK, that’s a little bit racist. I don’t think electrocution causes a big black afro…
• That’s not chocolate pudding!
• Cameos from Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and Lemmy from Motorhead

WARNING: Trailer is EXTREMELY NSFW!

Honestly, I could go on all night about the crazy stuff that happens in this movie, but there’s a bar across the street that’s calling my name to shoot some pool. This is easily one of Troma’s most extreme movies as far as the sex and violence go. It’s gratuitous, it’s graphic, it’s over the top, and it’s downright hilarious. If you’re squeamish, turn back now, but if you’re looking for a really fun movie to watch with your buddies as you get drunk, this is one of my favorites. So, kick back with some beers, fire up your PC, Xbox 360, TiVo, Roku Player, or Netflix-enabled Blu-ray player, and…

If you enjoy this movie, there are a couple of things you can do. First things first, follow the man behind the movie, Lloyd Kaufman, on Twitter. He’s just as funny on there as he is in his movies. Second of all, you can enjoy the second part of this double feature, the feature-length documentary, Farts Of Darkness streaming on Netflix as well. Sorry, DVD-only folks. Unless you want to track down the 2-disc special edition, this one is streaming-only. In my opinion, it’s just as entertaining as the movie itself, but that’s partially because I enjoy their sick sense of humor, and I’m a B-movie geek. Either way, if you like the movie, you’ll most likely be interested in seeing how they made it. It’s sick, it’s funny, and it’s educational. How can you argue with that?

Ahh, good old-fashioned 80s slashers. There are enough of these movies that I could write an article a week and never run out. Back then, you could turn anything or anyone into a slasher, make that into a movie, and make a ton of money. We had robots, clowns, ice cream men, laundry machines, miners, just about anything you could think of. This movie takes the same basic slasher formula, with the average joe who is killed in a traumatic accident, and rises from the grave as a vengeful ghoul, killing anyone who gets in his way. If you’re looking for a deep psychological analysis of Matt Cordell, you’re reading the wrong article. This is just a recommendation of a fun slasher flick.

As a way to kill a couple hours, Maniac Cop definitely succeeds. As with other 80s slashers, there are also two sequels, each one declining in quality, but really, like I said before, you’re in the wrong place if you’re looking for something with artistic value or a deeper meaning. You watch movies like this when you want to see people get torn apart or get their heads blown off. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed here.

As usual, the trailer’s below, and it’s available for streaming on Netflix. I’d say more, but I just got tasked with porting around 30 peripheral server programs in a 2-week time frame. Enjoy the movie.

This pick is a bit different than the type of movie I usually post, but I found it entertaining nonetheless. The movie starts out in mockumentary fashion, following a man named Leslie Vernon, who is inspired by such slashers as Michael Myers, Freddy Kreuger, and Jason Voorhees to become a slasher himself.

Throughout the first part of the movie, we see Leslie demonstrate some of his tricks of the trade, such as cutting the power and phone lines to houses, and rigging doors to shut when someone steps outside. We get to see the process of selecting his victims, explaining why each selection is important, and other physical/psychological factors. We’re introduced to his serial killer mentor, the physical training a slasher has to go through, and other such facets of the life of a slasher.

After these things have been set up, the movie shifts to more of a typical slasher film, with a few twists and turns here and there. I enjoy watching documentaries, and I also enjoy watching slasher films, so this was a pretty entertaining movie for me, even if there are a few slow-moving moments. As usual, the movie is available for streaming on Netflix, so you can throw it in your Instant Queue and watch it on your Xbox 360, Roku player, compatible Blu-ray player or TiVo DVR.

Watch Now!

This week’s B-movie pick is one that a lot of horror fans will be familiar with, but I still feel that it deserves a mention because there are lots of new horror fans who may or may not have seen it. Zombie, or “Zombi 2″, as it’s known in some parts of Europe, is a sort of “spiritual sequel” to George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead. When Dawn of the Dead was released in Europe, it was released as an alternate cut called “Zombie”. The movie was popular enough to warrant an independent sequel being produced by Lucio Fulci, and hence “Zombi 2″, AKA “Zombie Flesh Eaters” was born, followed by Zombi 3/Zombie 3/Zombie Flesh Eaters 2, or something like that. The whole thing is pretty confusing.

Anyway, there’s no point in getting confused, especially when most B/Horror movies have no plot to speak of, let alone a confusing one. All you need to know is this movie is one of my personal favorite zombie flicks, and for good reason. The “splinter scene” in this movie makes me squirm to this day. Those of you who have seen it know exactly what I’m talking about. Also, with scenes as awesome as a ZOMBIE FIGHTING A SHARK, why wouldn’t you want to see this movie?

I don’t have much time to write about this movie, but there’s really not a whole lot that needs to be said about it. It’s about a teenage girl, who when nearly raped, discovers that she has vagina dentata, a mythical condition that caused her to grow teeth… well… down there. Upon discovering this, she decides to use her new-found choppers to her advantage, dealing with the aggressive males in her town.

If you’re a guy, you might be a little squeamish about some of the things that happen in this movie, and I don’t think I need to explain why. If you’re a woman, you’ll probably laugh about it, because you’re an evil bitch like that. Male or female, as long as graphic sexual violence doesn’t bother you, this is a very entertaining indie horror comedy. As usual, this movie is available for streaming on Netflix to your Xbox 360, TiVo, Roku box, Netflix-enabled Blu-ray player, PC, or whatever other device you own that’s capable of streaming Netflix movies.

Watch it here, or add it to your queue.

Here’s a clip, in case you want to know what you’re getting into. Warning: Potentially not safe for work.

This week’s B-movie pick is yet another movie from Troma, and yet another movie from Lloyd Kaufman (Director) and James Gunn (writer). If you haven’t figured it out already, this is probably going to be a common theme. I like movies with a lot of crazy shit in them, and these guys seem to be involved with a lot of them. Also, a lot of Troma movies are available for free on Netflix streaming now, so they’re perfect material for an article like this.

As the tagline says, this movie contains “Body piercing, kinky sex, dismemberment, the things that made Shakespeare great!“, all things that would be in a Troma movie whether or not it was based on Shakespeare. If you’re a stickler for faithful adaptations, don’t even bother watching this movie. However, you’re probably reading this article because you’re looking for an entertaining movie, and if that’s the case, you’ll like this. Everybody knows the story of Romeo & Juliet, and the main story isn’t really much different here. This is a comedic modern-day retelling of the story as only Troma could do it.

This article is a bit thin on content, because I’m busy with work, and my dumb ass didn’t write the article ahead of time. Hopefully the content of the movie makes up for my lack of interesting things to say about it right now. Check out the trailer below, and watch the movie on Netflix.

WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK

Watch now, or add to your Netflix queue!

There are so many things I could say about this movie that I don’t know where to start. I LOVE Troma movies. Anybody who knows me already knows this. I could watch nothing but Troma movies, and be perfectly happy with that. The Toxic Avenger is one of my favorite superheroes of all time. So, with that in mind, why am I recommending the fourth movie in the series instead of the first one? Honestly, I have no real reason. I just really like this movie. It stands well on its own, and like most B-movies, the story isn’t super-important, so you’re not likely to get lost.

If you’re not familiar with The Toxic Avenger, I’ll try to give a quick introduction. Melvin Junko, a 90lb. weakling who works at the Tromaville health club was constantly being bullied by the various jerks who hang out at the gym. After a prank goes horribly wrong, Melvin falls from a window at the health club, into a barrel of toxic waste. The reaction from the chemical waste transforms Melvin into a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength. Using his new-found abilities, Melvin turns to a life of fighting crime in Tromaville, as the Toxic Avenger, the first superhero from New Jersey.

So, what is it about this movie that makes it so entertaining? Let’s make a list.

• Gratuitous violence
• Gratuitous Blood-splattering
• Gratuitous Nudity
• Extremely absurd humor (What other movie could make you laugh at school shootings and abortion clinics?)
• Ron Jeremy as the Mayor of Tromaville
• Corey Feldman as an abortion doctor
• Scream Queen Debbie Rochon as a suicidal Jewish special ed teacher pregnant with a black baby
• @James_Gunn as a seemingly retarded physics professor
• Humorous jabs at video game violence
• Cameos from other awesome Troma characters, like Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD
• “He’s got his head up his ass!”
• Joe Fleishaker, Troma’s biggest action star (literally), as Toxie’s sidekick, Lardass!
• Cameos from folks such as Eli Roth, Tom Fulp, Kevin Eastman, Hugh Hefner, Stan Lee, and Lemmy from Motorhead.
• The Kabukiman Car Crash! (If you know what this is, you’re awesome.)

• Cheesy puns about dismemberment.

• A school for special children, held hostage by the Diaper Mafia

… and a lot more. Seriously. Just watch the movie.

This movie, like others that I plan on writing about every Friday afternoon, is available for streaming on Netflix, to your PC, TiVo, Xbox 360, Roku box, or other Netflix-compatible device. Follow the link below to add it to your Instant Queue, or to watch it on your PC immediately.

Watch “Citizen Toxie - The Toxic Avenger IV” Now!

Also, if you like this movie, follow the director on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/lloydkaufman

Actually, follow Lloyd on Twitter even if you hated the movie. He’s still awesome.

This is just going to be a quick post with some media for now, as my vacation is still in progress, and there are plenty of more pictures to take and videos to record.

As some of you may know, I finally decided to take a break from my workaholic status, and take my first vacation in nearly 2 years. Living in Georgia isn’t all that bad, but the time away from my family has been driving me nuts, especially being almost 1,000 miles away from my daughter. So, as you can imagine, the main thing I had to do when I came down here is go visit her. Thankfully, she still knows who I am (I talk to her on the phone all the time, and every time I talk to her, she asks when I’m coming to see her), and she’s still just as much of a daddy’s girl as she was when she was a baby. Her reaction when she saw me walking toward the house was priceless, and both of us were nearly in tears when she ran to me and gave me the biggest hug she could. She missed me just as much as I missed her. I could go on and on about that, but I think it would be easier to just post up some pictures and videos to use as placeholders for now. More will be coming from her 6th birthday party tomorrow.

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